GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
