it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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