my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
