Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
