we're blogging at a bar
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
