3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
