I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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