remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
