If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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