Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
