they said they heard you say put it in my butt
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
