i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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