Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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