Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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