Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
