so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
