her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
