1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
