from now on my penis is your penis
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
