Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
