Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
