Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
