I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
