On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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