Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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