you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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