Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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