it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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