Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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