Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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