He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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