they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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