I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
