What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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