Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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