you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
