It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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