And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
