Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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