my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Randomize
