rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
