thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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