Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
