what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
