I want to make a zoo with you.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
