There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
