I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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