Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I deserve this hangover.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
