oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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