Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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