you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
