Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
