That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
