can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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