once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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