Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
