Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
