I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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