I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
